Love & Marriage

This is fitting to share my views and advice on marriage, on Valentines Day. I'm not an expert, I have only been married for a little over ten years (which is an eternity in some circles). I don't do well with "public displays of affection", and I'm not overly sentimental or romantic. However, I thank God regularly for bringing Heather to me. I find it hard to imagine my life without her, as she gets me and completes me...she is my best friend!

I am disturbed by the unhealthy, broken, and dysfunctional marriages in our churches today. I'm shocked when I hear of followers of Jesus getting a divorce for unfaithfulness, financial issues, "we are not compatible", or unreconcilable differences. Now I don't want to give the impression that I think that marriage is easy...marriage takes work and time (I know, we are still working on ours). I also understand that some marriages get to a point of being unrepairable, and in those cases divorce is there for a reason.

My advice is simple, scriptural, and God's intent for healthy, amazing marriages. This advice is mainly directed to men because there is an order laid out by God. God has given authority to the Husband as the head and priest of his home. First off, God would never say that a man was to leave his family and be joined to his bride, without giving guidelines for a successful union till death separates them. It was never His plan to ruin your life by having you get married! Since you and I are made in the image of God, God gave marriage to show a more completed picture of the God Head. Heather and I are not the same people, we each have flaws and shortcomings, however together we make a more complete person. So by bringing us together we see a better picture of who God is and how He loves and relates to us. I don't have empathy, but Heather has enough for the both of us. So together, with her completing me, we are able to show empathy to others.  Our marriage of love and faithfulness is a witness to those around us of God's love and faithfulness to those made in His image.

One of the best pieces of advice on marriage was given to me on my wedding day, during the ceremony, by my pastor. It was what he focused on in Ephesians chapter 5 (no the focus wasn't of wives submitting):

"Instead, be filled with the Spirit"  --v. 18

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ"  --v. 21

He then went on to say that with that as the base, then wives submit, and husbands love. It is easy for any husband to submit to and love his wife...when he is in relationship with Jesus and filled with the Holy Spirit.  Just like it is easy for the wife to come along side and support her husband when he is submitting himself to Jesus and sacrificially loving and caring for her needs above his own. This is very circular and will take care of itself, when each person individually is right with God. However, it doesn't matter if the other person isn't holding up their end of the bargain...the command here is for each person individually. I am to daily be filled with the Spirit, daily submit to Heather out of reverence for Christ, daily love her as Christ loves the Church...even if she was the worst person in the World to be married to (but she's not). Don't under estimate the power of the Holy Spirit to help you with this!

The other came about six years into the marriage and has changed the way I treat and talk about Heather. It, I believe will change your persecutive of your wife, because if shows the mindset of God!

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, 

and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, 

so that nothing will hinder your prayers."  --1 Peter 3:7

Attention needs to be made to the word "weaker". It is more accurately translated like "fine china"; delicate and priceless. Treated differently than everyday dinnerware. Sadly, some men treat their wife as a cast iron skillet! We somehow think that we picked out our wife and that she belongs to us, and so we treat them as objects. Genesis lays it out differently: God made the woman (in His image) and brought her to the man for him to take care of...that means the woman belongs to God and I am responsible to Him for how I take care of her. If I am treating Heather as that "skillet" with no consideration or respect then God says "I'm not going to listen to you until you fix this". I can't stand "christian" guys who belittle and disrespect their wives, then volunteer to pray with me. 

Sometimes, we as men have the mentality that a "christian marriage" looks like this: "I buy the beans, she cooks them, we say Jesus, and that's a christian marriage". When it takes us following in the footsteps of Jesus the Servant, who put the needs of others over His and loved to the point of taking our place on the cross.  Are you and am I daily denying ourselves, taking up our cross and following Him? Are we willing to lay down our life for our friend...is your spouse your friend? Are we willing to be the servant of all? Are you willing to be daily filled with the Holy Spirit? Do you summit to Jesus?